Pushing too Hard
by Pallet and Cerulean
Summary: ""Yukina," Lisa said seriously, the word sounding cautious on her tongue. "You've been pushing too hard lately." The words hung heavily in the air, feeling all too real now that Lisa had said them out loud." Or Yukina isn't feeling well at practice and she can't fool Lisa.


Her throat had been aching for days. At first, something just felt a little off, like she hadn't had enough water to drink or she'd swallowed something wrong. Though, it wasn't long before her throat was so sore that even talking and eating were incredibly painful. It felt like she'd swallowed glass, the tender flesh raw and angry. Cough drops and herbal teas did little to soothe the pain, only taking the edge off for a brief moment.

It was singing, though, that put the most strain on her sore throat. Still, Yukina couldn't hold back. For hour after hour of Roselia's studio time, she ran through their songs with her usual dedication and precision. She knew her voice sounded off, a bit rougher than usual, but she did her best to disguise it. If any of the other band members noticed, they didn't say anything.

It was only after a few practice sessions at the studio that someone actually spoke up. Yukina had been feeling even worse than the previous times and she knew it was starting to show. The sheet music swam in her vision and her head throbbed painfully, every beat of the drums or chord from the guitar amplifying the ache. Even worse, the strain of singing with her sore throat was making her eyes sting with tears that she was forced to blink back. The room felt too hot and she could feel the pink flush on her face, yet shivers ran down her spine.

Between songs, while everyone was taking a short break, Yukina noticed Lisa packing up her bass. She swung the black case over her shoulder before crossing the room to stop in front of Yukina. Gently taking her by the arm, Lisa pulled her towards the door, despite Yukina's confused gaze.

"Hey," Lisa called, catching everyone else's attention. "Sorry, Yukina and I have to go early today. Can you guys finish up without us?" She asked, offering an apologetic smile.

Yukina opened her mouth to try and protest, but Sayo was already talking before she got the chance. "We'll be fine," she answered, turning her attention back to the sequence of chords she had been working on. Rinko and Ako quickly offered their goodbyes before Lisa was practically dragging Yukina out of the practice room.

Reluctantly giving in, Yukina let Lisa pull her out of the studio and into the crisp night air. As much as she hated to leave practice, to miss out and let everyone leave her behind, Yukina had to admit she was relieved to be finished for the night. Her throat was throbbing painfully and she didn't know how much longer her voice would have held up. She could hear it starting to break in the last song they had worked on and the pain was getting too intense. Besides, the studio had felt too hot and stuffy, suffocating her, but she felt a little better in the cool breeze outside.

Instead of heading down the familiar sidewalk that took them home, Yukina noticed, Lisa took them down a different street, one that was quiet and more secluded. Without a word, Lisa turned a corner, still pulling Yukina along, only stopping when they reached a small park, hidden behind a row of shops, all closed for the night with their windows dark. The trees rustled quietly in the breeze and Yukina thought she heard a cricket somewhere in the bushes. Fireflies dotted the landscape, lighting up the twilight with their yellow flashes. Yukina let out a quiet sigh of relief, feeling a little better just knowing her and Lisa were tucked away from the rest of the world. It was always easier for her to relax and be honest when it was just the two of them, and Yukina guessed that Lisa wanted exactly that. She never would have pulled her out of practice unless she realized something was wrong, and whenever Lisa thought something was wrong, she made sure to get the truth out of Yukina. It had always been that way.

Finding a bench, Lisa finally let go of Yukina's arm, gently pushing down against her shoulders until the girl took the hint and sat down. Beside them, the soft light of a vending machine glowed and Lisa walked over to it, slipping in a few coins and punching a button. After a moment, retrieving the drink that fell with a full thud, Lisa took a seat beside Yukina on the bench. Eyes bright but subdued with concern, Lisa held the drink out to Yukina, tapping the cold bottle against her arm. Taking the drink, Yukina couldn't fight the way her lips quirked up when she read the label. Apple juice. It was a little childish, but Yukina was still grateful.

Noticing the way Yukina appraised the drink, Lisa tapped her neatly polished nails against the cool metal of the bench. "It's supposed to be good for your throat," she said gently, hoping Yukina wouldn't put up walls at the comment. Before, if Lisa might have suggested that Yukina was pushing too hard or that she needed a break, there was an immediate switch. Yukina's walls would go up, cold and stoic, while she insisted she knew her limits and would practice her hardest until she met them.

Now, Yukina's small smile fell, but Lisa wasn't met with the defensive response she expected. Instead, she just opened the bottle and took a sip, a faint pink dusting across her cheeks. The cool liquid helped a bit with the burning pain that tore at her throat, though it hardly touched the soreness that had only been getting worse over the past few days. Sitting in the relative quiet, too, calmed her headache some. The realization washed over Yukina that Lisa always knew how to help her. Even when she stubbornly went past her limits, Lisa was always right there, making sure she was alright.

"Yukina," Lisa said seriously, the word sounding cautious on her tongue. "You've been pushing too hard lately." The words hung heavily in the air, feeling all too real now that Lisa had said them out loud. It was easier to ignore the pain when she could hide it, but now, with Lisa's brilliant eyes swimming with worry, her delicate lips turned down into a frown, Yukina felt like her whole facade was crumbling down.

Something tugged at Yukina's heart, watching Lisa look at her that way. Guilt started to gnaw at her insides, squirming in her stomach. She was always making Lisa worry about her. She was the one making Lisa look so upset, pretty features marred with concern. Yukina hated that about herself, but she couldn't stop it. Hiding things, pushing too hard, isolating herself, that was who Yukina was.

"I can handle it," Yukina lied, though tears were starting to gather at the corners of her eyes.

She knew her health should come before the band and always told the others as much too. Yet, when the reality hit her that she needed to back off of practice, Yukina couldn't bring herself to do it. Every hour of practice she missed was an hour that everyone else was improving and leaving her behind. And the one thing Yukina couldn't tolerate was being left behind. Her insecurities were louder than the pain in her throat or her throbbing headache.

"Yukina," Lisa murmured gently, reaching out to wipe at the tears that were starting to spill down the girl's cheeks. "See, you can't handle it this time," Lisa sighed softly.

Yukina wanted to disagree, wanted it desperately, but she couldn't bring herself to. As she usually was, Lisa was right. And as her the tips of her fingers, once soft and smooth but now roughened by the cords of her bass, brushed across Yukina's cheek, she felt like a little kid again. Lisa would always wipe away her tears, always soothe and fuss over her until everything was okay again. Even now, she still watched over Yukina, still fawned and fussed and took care of her.

Tears falling faster now, Yukina sniffled and turned, burying her face in Lisa's shoulder. Embarrassment burned in her chest, but all the insecurity and hurt, mingled with some nostalgic melancholy, drowned out her pride. While she normally kept herself held tightly together, neatly bottling her feelings, something about Lisa always broke down her walls. The sweet girl always managed to coax out her emotion, to stop her from suffocating herself beneath a mountain of expectations and regrets. And now, exhausted from the effort of hiding her pain and pushing through her limits, Yukina couldn't bring herself to care. She could work up her pride and polish later, but right now, crying on Lisa's shoulder and letting everything out, she felt so much better.

The brunette gently shushed and soothed, smoothing a hand over Yukina's hair. Emotion ran heavy in her quiet murmurings, voice low and gentle. Though, when Lisa moved to sweep Yukina's bangs away from where they hung in her eyes, her hand stilled. Recovering somewhat, Yukina noticed the change and started to lift her head, cries softening to sniffles and shaky exhales. Though, when she did, all she found was Lisa's worried eyes fixed on hers.

"You're burning up," Lisa murmured worriedly, hand pressing firmer against Yukina's forehead now. "Why didn't you tell us you had a fever?" Lisa asked, a bit of frustration seeping into her tone. Still, concern overwhelmed her features, any trace of anger or blame gone.

"I didn't know," Yukina replied quietly, her voice still watery and twinged with surprise. Though, when she gave it a moment's thought, it all made sense. The sore throat and the throbbing headache, the fatigue and weakness, it all fit. She was just too busy trying to hide it all to notice that maybe something really was wrong.

Lisa gave a weak, wavering laugh, relief lighting up her eyes and relaxing her posture. "That's just like you," Lisa said, lips curving up in a slight smile. Though, her expression quickly flickered to something more serious. "You need to get some rest," she added, gentle but firm in the way only Lisa could be.

Wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve, Yukina offered a short nod. "I'll go to bed when I get home," Yukina agreed, once again painfully aware of the raw ache in her throat and the rasp in her voice. Still, she couldn't bring herself to get up right away. Lisa's company in the quiet, twilit park was too comfortable and helped lull Yukina into a sense of peace and contentment.

She wasn't sure if it was the fever that made her bold, but Yukina carefully took Lisa's hand in her own, twining their fingers together. She could allow herself just this moment. With the fireflies flashing and birds whispering their final songs before the sun hid away, Yukina could allow herself to act on impulse and instinct and hold the hand of the girl she loved so much. And it was such a short moment, but so sweet and soft that it made her think that the days of hurting and hiding might have been worth it.

But after a moment, Lisa stirred and stood from the bench, disturbing the gentle moment. Though, she never dropped Yukina's hand. Instead, she gave it a soft squeeze before she pulled Yukina up from her seat. "Let's go home," Lisa said, every bit the sweet girl Yukina had met so many years ago. And though, like everyone, they had their dents and quirks, Yukina couldn't help but think that she would like to keep Lisa by her side for a long, long time.


End file.
